you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.