A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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