We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.