Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
