I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
I have a yeast infection.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.