Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life