we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
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blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.