he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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