you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
