I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
