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Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
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