i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.