Texts From Last Night

excaniber's Favorites Texts:

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.

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  (508): i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude. http://tfl.nu/zgqp
  Replies (87) Good night (25731) Bad night (4379)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.

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  (770): just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes. http://tfl.nu/9iko
  Replies (118) Good night (26864) Bad night (4286) Order T-Shirt
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.

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  (216): fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again. http://tfl.nu/nv5y
  Replies (28) Good night (13051) Bad night (1834) Order T-Shirt
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  you should get a family discount.

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  (770): I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer. (404): you should get a family discount. http://tfl.nu/bl35
  Replies (33) Good night (10646) Bad night (1250)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"

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  (704): she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out" http://tfl.nu/fktd
  Replies (33) Good night (13030) Bad night (1232) Order T-Shirt
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  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

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  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
  Replies (53) Good night (72029) Bad night (2120) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick

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  (401): he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick http://tfl.nu/778x
  Replies (69) Good night (14277) Bad night (3600) Order T-Shirt
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  (352): View more from Florida

  I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.

  (917): View more from New York City

  I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.

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  (352): I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God. (917): I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice. http://tfl.nu/jdh1
  Replies (122) Good night (3060) Bad night (15116)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".

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  (928): Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex". http://tfl.nu/7v4e
  Replies (56) Good night (30088) Bad night (1408) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.

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  (401): She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY. http://tfl.nu/e2x6
  Replies (29) Good night (2746) Bad night (6855) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.

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  (850): I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night. http://tfl.nu/vbgm
  Replies (10) Good night (4665) Bad night (1229) Order T-Shirt
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  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall

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  (339): i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall http://tfl.nu/8iwm
  Replies (38) Good night (21294) Bad night (1994) Order T-Shirt
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?

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  (708): Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight? http://tfl.nu/wnvq
  Replies (38) Good night (17131) Bad night (1906) Order T-Shirt
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.

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  (479): Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody. http://tfl.nu/gh8f
  Replies (17) Good night (7155) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

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  (401): Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.' http://tfl.nu/mde3
  Replies (248) Good night (66701) Bad night (2994) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.

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  (303): I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number. http://tfl.nu/465z
  Replies (31) Good night (15440) Bad night (760)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube

  (630): View more from Illinois

  my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.

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  (224): hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube (630): my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up. http://tfl.nu/cxvl
  Replies (17) Good night (7127) Bad night (587)