Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.