dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize