This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?