This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?