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giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
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