I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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