Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
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Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
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Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.