He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
hey, what are you doing tonight?
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.