He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
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hey, what are you doing tonight?
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
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i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.