all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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