the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
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She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
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Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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