im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
