More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
