Texts From Last Night

danieltosh's Favorites Texts:

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  (516): View more from New York

  i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor

  (1-516): View more from New York

  did you bang her?

  (516): View more from New York

  seriously?

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  (516): i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor (1-516): did you bang her? (516): seriously? http://tfl.nu/fyme
  Replies (25) Good night (1556) Bad night (5903)
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  (518): View more from New York

  he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.

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  (518): he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left. http://tfl.nu/59ww
  Replies (37) Good night (1423) Bad night (8010) Order T-Shirt
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

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  (774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"... http://tfl.nu/2wkl
  Replies (468) Good night (165226) Bad night (6020) Order T-Shirt
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.

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  (813): I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me. http://tfl.nu/z6eo
  Replies (35) Good night (18607) Bad night (1143)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.

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  (503): I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too. http://tfl.nu/16uc
  Replies (23) Good night (6883) Bad night (746) Order T-Shirt
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  (876): View more from Jamaica

  After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone

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  (876): After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone http://tfl.nu/ammv
  Replies (32) Good night (7994) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.

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  (321): Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right. http://tfl.nu/ehig
  Replies (11) Good night (9395) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.

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  (303): She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan. http://tfl.nu/jf6q
  Replies (41) Good night (11149) Bad night (1631) Order T-Shirt
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  (510): View more from California

  Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay

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  (510): Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay http://tfl.nu/s2rn
  Replies (65) Good night (19435) Bad night (1464) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."

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  (908): While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you." http://tfl.nu/7a3m
  Replies (55) Good night (25109) Bad night (1926) Order T-Shirt
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  (949): View more from California

  I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.

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  (949): I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation. http://tfl.nu/uflu
  Replies (4) Good night (2926) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now

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  (318): I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now http://tfl.nu/xdsb
  Replies (15) Good night (5201) Bad night (1346) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  you were mass sexting so we took your phone away

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  (816): you were mass sexting so we took your phone away http://tfl.nu/u2si
  Replies (13) Good night (4641) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
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  (352): View more from Florida

  Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.

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  (352): Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa. http://tfl.nu/e1sr
  Replies (26) Good night (6404) Bad night (1191) Order T-Shirt
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n

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  (416): He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n http://tfl.nu/pe4m
  Replies (20) Good night (11346) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.

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  (443): she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs. http://tfl.nu/nz73
  Replies (13) Good night (7479) Bad night (725) Order T-Shirt