Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.