Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
