I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.