Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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