Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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