Texts From Last Night

canmav's Favorites Texts:

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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.

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  (413): He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring. http://tfl.nu/ghx4
  Replies (10) Good night (1403) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
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  (435): View more from Utah

  I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read

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  (435): I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read http://tfl.nu/7a19
  Replies (14) Good night (2491) Bad night (396) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.

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  (714): They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost. http://tfl.nu/dynq
  Replies (3) Good night (1666) Bad night (441) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.

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  (805): What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc. http://tfl.nu/01sm
  Replies (29) Good night (3267) Bad night (445)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.

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  (231): Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted. http://tfl.nu/tphx
  Replies (29) Good night (1034) Bad night (3639) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.

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  (714): Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends. http://tfl.nu/11t7
  Replies (21) Good night (652) Bad night (2305) Order T-Shirt
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Come find me please? Im in a ditch.

  (1-604): View more from British Columbia

  That doesn't help me much...

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I'm right under the moon!

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  (604): Come find me please? Im in a ditch. (1-604): That doesn't help me much... (604): I'm right under the moon! http://tfl.nu/u7hc
  Replies (15) Good night (13703) Bad night (1043)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.

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  (978): I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground. http://tfl.nu/oy4l
  Replies (5) Good night (1539) Bad night (527) Order T-Shirt
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.

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  (202): I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing. http://tfl.nu/xvl1
  Replies (24) Good night (513) Bad night (4104) Order T-Shirt
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.

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  (937): I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart. http://tfl.nu/okmj
  Replies (15) Good night (2003) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.

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  (706): I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today. http://tfl.nu/vvd3
  Replies (10) Good night (1960) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone

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  (512): I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone http://tfl.nu/z79l
  Replies (11) Good night (1666) Bad night (369) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.

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  (404): I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success. http://tfl.nu/f7f6
  Replies (12) Good night (3196) Bad night (414) Order T-Shirt
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break

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  (616): My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break http://tfl.nu/h428
  Replies (3) Good night (1800) Bad night (322) Order T-Shirt
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.

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  (252): I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard. http://tfl.nu/2lw3
  Replies (17) Good night (3990) Bad night (636) Order T-Shirt
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun

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  (765): Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun http://tfl.nu/oe4f
  Replies (9) Good night (892) Bad night (1760) Order T-Shirt