He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun