and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.