Texts From Last Night

ashpoop's Favorites Texts:

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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.

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  (856): I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch. http://tfl.nu/64iu
  Replies (28) Good night (4839) Bad night (876) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.

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  (206): Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night. http://tfl.nu/k8do
  Replies (15) Good night (497) Bad night (1618) Order T-Shirt
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  (954): View more from Florida

  so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop

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  (954): so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop http://tfl.nu/k9k3
  Replies (11) Good night (620) Bad night (3037) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke

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  (330): I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke http://tfl.nu/gn8s
  Replies (4) Good night (712) Bad night (2629) Order T-Shirt
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?

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  (319): Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's? http://tfl.nu/rb01
  Replies (18) Good night (823) Bad night (5008) Order T-Shirt
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting

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  (913): You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting http://tfl.nu/1yn1
  Replies (21) Good night (2678) Bad night (921)
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  (650): View more from California

  i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug

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  (650): i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug http://tfl.nu/0t6b
  Replies (25) Good night (3039) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.

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  (204): He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina. http://tfl.nu/1ygc
  Replies (30) Good night (5661) Bad night (1677) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.

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  (630): He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins. http://tfl.nu/5ao1
  Replies (23) Good night (11427) Bad night (827)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"

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  (301): Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal" http://tfl.nu/5b46
  Replies (48) Good night (3882) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.

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  (206): Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though. http://tfl.nu/6g66
  Replies (27) Good night (1736) Bad night (5563) Order T-Shirt
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss

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  (781): My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss http://tfl.nu/yqt0
  Replies (17) Good night (8448) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.

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  (914): I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned. http://tfl.nu/hdoa
  Replies (10) Good night (1162) Bad night (4702) Order T-Shirt
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  (661): View more from California

  He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.

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  (661): He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina. http://tfl.nu/ay3j
  Replies (23) Good night (7447) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.

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  (405): I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny. http://tfl.nu/uleh
  Replies (30) Good night (5566) Bad night (976) Order T-Shirt