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i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
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