Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
