Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
