At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!