i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
