Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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