Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?