Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Redeem this text for a blowjob
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.