Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
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She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
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She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified