i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
