so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow