I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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