I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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