I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
