Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Why is your signature on my underwear?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.