So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I need a beard to bite.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
