My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.