What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
