Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
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I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
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its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?