I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
