I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls