Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Ketchup is God's man juice
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
