How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
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She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
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Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.