if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
