In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...