level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.