The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up