He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
