It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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