im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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